Obama health care bill to offer curbside recyclingImage of funerary urn prototype released today by Sibelius's' office
In a closed-door town hall restricted to liberal Democratic partisan groups in San Francisco, Obama unveiled a proposal to further reduce the impact of catastrophic illness on American families.
"Studies show that Americans spend upwards of $10,000 for an average funeral. Costs are even higher if the family selects a non-cardboard casket option. This burden is simply unbearable for anyone but the wealthiest among us. Working families simply cannot afford the funerary burden brought about by the death panels, even if they save money in the long run by retiring their elderly early. We have to bring some of the death panel cost savings forward."
"With our plan, family members will be able put their dear departed in specially marked containers on the curbside for next-morning pickup, " adding, "After the grieving process is complete, of course."
The estimated 10,000+ audience at the San Francisco Convention Center seemed to be generally pleased. San Francisco after all has had an aggressive recycling program for several years, as California has imposed a requirement on municipalities to recycle at least 50% of their area's waste.
"These Death Panels are going to save us a lot of money, but in the short term, we'll have a lot of bodies stacking up
without an economical way to handle the load. This plan turns a problem into a solution by taking something seen only as a burden and turning it into rich, loamy compost." "Besides", he continued, "filling valuable land with dead people rather than empty commercial buildings hampers our ability to make optimal use of scarce real estate."
"Sometimes, complex problems really do have simple solutions!", he beamed.
San Francisco mayor Gary Newsom was generally supportive. "This will only help us meet the state's requirement for recycling of more than 50% of our current waste stream. Keeping departed family members out of landfills will be a big help in us continuing to meet that goal."
Secretary of Health Kathleen Sibelius is scheduled to deliver a presentation on the details of the proposal,
including pilot locations, proper labeling of remains for pickup and scheduled pickup days.
She is also expected to cover the delivery of memorials. Early information packets released to the media by Sibelius's office included photographs of the memorials. Our sources tell us that the memorials will be made partially of recycled aluminum as worldwide copper prices are forecast to remain prohibitive for the next several quarters.
Insiders admit that prototypes of the memorials are suffering from early production problems due to the recycled content, but they see no reason that all the problems couldn't be ironed out by the time the program is finally rolled out.
"We're working closely with our Chinese manufacturers", said one source who wished to remain anonymous.
Thursday, August 20, 2009
First Death Panels, Now This
I found this on World News Daily, but the link is not working, so I posted it here so people can see the *real* plan.
Posted by Humbug at 11:22 AM