Monday, November 30, 2009

Linux in a Nutshell

So I once again upgrade my Linux server and watch everything inexplicably stop working. I take out my fury and frustration on an old friend and co-worker:

"Why the frickety f*ck does Linux just randomly stop working any time you do an upgrade and require another 36 hours of forum-surfing before finding some hack way to get it working again?

Every time they change something, they frequently don't bother to create a GUI interface to replace the one the old version had. Hell, I'm a computer programmer with all the time in the world and I can't sum up enough Give A Sh*t to go sorting through the codespace every time somebody decides to change something and not document it. Why the f*ck do we have to rely on random people on the internet to explain to us how to fix things (that used to work) that were broken or changed by other random people on the internet in order to keep a server working?

Its like getting your car back from the mechanic and he's replaced your shifter, steering wheel and pedals with a bunch of cords with knobs tied to the ends. "What the fuck is this?", you'd ask, only for the mechanic to sneer, "Real drivers would figure out how to pull the cords correctly in order to drive."

Every time its the same cycle. Get things working, upgrade, something changes, spend 3 days surfing the web trying to find a way to get it working again, all the while with some jackass posting "read all the documentation and edit the config files. Real men don't use GUIs".

Reason given? "They slow things down."

Seriously. Apparently chewing up hours and hours of research getting the system to work again doesn't count as "slowing things down."

I love it how all these "He Men Don't Use GUI" trolls manage to post these messages to the internet using their CLI (Command Line Interface). Are they not using a browser? Do their computers not have a mouse connected? Of course not. Whoo hoo! They spent the time and effort to get Lynx running on their TRS-80s. Good for them. Meanwhile, the real world wants to get a job done and move on.

Its the technological equivalent of having to dig through a box of 50 remote controls to find which one works every time you power-cycle your TV. What would these nerds do in that situation? They'd go balistic and hurl their X-box through the screen. Oh, wait, they don't use X-boxes, do they? X-boxes aren't controlled by 8 toggle switches and a "load" button. F*ck."

To all of this, my old friend simply says,

"Linux exists solely for the self-aggrandizement of its contributors."
-- A. Petit

Strangely, that quote answers every question I've even had regarding why Linux works the way it does.

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