Thursday, March 30, 2006

The Second-Best Sales Job Ever

I recently began to more fully appreciate religion. What a fantastic concept.. at least from a sales perspective. Think of it!

The Pitch:
You give me something tangible ( money, food, clothing, etc. ) and in exchange I will promise you X after you die.

Billions of people every day are sold a better existence that doesn't kick in until after they die.

"We've had no complaints yet."

So what is *The Best* sales job ever?

"Go kill yourself by exploding a bomb strapped to your body, and in return you'll get..."

That's right. The sales person is too lazy to even bother to help you into the next world. You have to do it yourself. Talk about crappy customer service.

In my mind, I can hear Michael Palin's halting but somehow soothing voice delivering the pitch:
"Oh, yeah, well by the way: you'll er.. How do I put this tactfully? You see, in order to actually collect, you'll need to blow yourself up. We really can't be seen as involved. Bad press and all. Its such a personal thing, really. Just think of it as going out on your own terms, so to speak..."

Western religions, be on notice; you're losing the sales war.

1 comment:

MertMengelmier said...

But Western religions give full strength to the intangible: "Hey, immaculate conception!" That's some invisible sperm. A "Holy Ghost"? WTF? And Jesus. Jesus might as well be the worst salesman in history, worse than Willy Loman. If he'd simply kicked Roman ass and started to get people on his side, we'd be in a different world. Nice post.